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Depressing Things
04/06/2004 11:14 PM My 'Prisoner Sirius' layout was depressing me. I hope you all like this new layout as much as I do, though the picture does seem a bit cluttered. (Is the text just too visable? Should I make it more transparent like the pictures in the top corners?) I've never felt so hopeless before. I thought I've already gone through my depressed phase a year or two ago. What's this then? In the mornings I feel like there's no point in getting out of bed because I already know what the day's gonna be like. I blame my depression on school. In the evenings I try to change outlook on things and get myself into that life's-not-that-bad mood, but as soon as I look in the mirror in the morning and see myself in the same school uniform, I know nothing will be different at school. I want to write a letter to Clay telling him how much I admire him, how he can usually make me feel wonderful, and explain my depression. Maybe I'll get a letter back from him that'll perk up my life. I just need to hold on a little but longer. Once summer comes, I'll have three months to completely change myself. That's what I partly did last summer -- I'm a little more outgoing and daring now in social situations, but it's not enough. Just two more full days of school to endure until 9½ days off from school. I completely embarrassed myself today, but I really, really would rather just forget about it. (..So why am I mentioning it here??) I haven't prayed yet about my depression. I have said a few sentences to God about it, but I haven't actually sat down and focused on praying. I'll try and do that before I go to bed tonight. Just blah. I wonder why all this happened so suddenly. Usually at least I had seeing my crush to look forward to each school day, but even he's been annoying me to death lately. I had better go now. There is no way in hell I'll forgive myself if I only get six hours of sleep again tonight. I had the hardest time ever trying to keep my eyes open today -- it was horrible. But before I go, something I forgot to tell yesterday. Monday I found out that my Spanish teacher, Mrs. Ritz, loves Clay Aiken, and she was mad at me and Nicole (Anna) for not inviting her. Very scary, I know. Before talking with her about the concert and showing her the little bit of tape I have from it, the closest I've bonded with a teacher is when I gave my old Science/English/Health teacher, Mrs. Wessel, some Alan Rickman pins. *Slight shudder* (Which reminds me, I gotta write a letter to Alan Rickman as well. Mostly a reminder to myself I guess.) Well, goodnight then.
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